Early Life For Me
Let me introduce myself, or as best as you can on paper. I came into this world in early spring of 1992. Like all babies I don't have any memories of those few years of life, maybe some superficial memories brought on by what others have told me life was like.
My mom was young when she had me about 17ish-18, and she had already had already given birth to my oldest brother, Damion when she was around 15. My dad on the other hand was 25. (I think everyone just kind of looked away when it came to the age gap.) From what my dad has told me in the past he was already married at the time when he met my mom. They happened to hook up during a parry that my dad was throwing at his house and my mom lied and said she was older than what she actually was. and what do you know? Nine months later my brother was welcomed into the world. I couldn't of imagined life would have been easy for her; having two kids under two before you were even 19. Babies having babies. I think with trying to survive the struggles that they faced they didn't know where to go so they turned to the drugs to numb their pain and to shut out all the responsibilities that they had. Left to deal with the consequences of their action was Damion and I and as a result we often went with no adult supervision and severe neglect.
I remember being about four having to beg our neighbors for food because there wasn't any groceries in the house or nothing that we knew how to make ourselves. This was just one of the many issues that we faced being so little, vulnerable and innocent.
At the time we didn't think that we lived any different than any of the other kids that went to our school or lived in our apartment complex, it wasn't till I was much older that I realized the scars that those early years had one me. I ask myself all the time why wasn't I enough? Why I wasn't good enough for them to put the drugs down or why they couldn't just pretend to get along with each other when we were around them. I know full well that this is the root cause of my anxiety today and why sometimes I feel as fragile as I do. But I will not let my past, things that were out of my control back then define who I am today. I strive to be the best version of myself that I can be. Do I still fail? Yes. But the difference is I keep picking myself up, keep giving everything my all because one day it will all pay off. We will be in a better place than we were yesterday, and even a better place the next day and all the scars that we have to take, make us the people that we are today. I know that I have mentally grown and have learned from the experiences that I have went through, I came out on the other side and I know that will I continue to improve myself. That's why I wanted to create this blog. I think that it will help get my feelings out, instead of keeping them bottle up inside with no outlet. I know that my husband would be more than willing to listen to what's on my mind, but I don't want to have to burden him all the time (to him it's never burdening, that's why he's the best.)
Thanks for reading! More to come 😃
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